


you can plan on me (please have some snow and mistletoe)

by jiaras



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs a Hug, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28345536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiaras/pseuds/jiaras
Summary: ‘’Hey, you stop talking smack about Christmas, all right?’’ Kiara hissed, then passed the joint back to JJ. Her fingers touched his for a moment too long for it to be considered accidental. ‘’Santa says you’re an asshole.’’‘’I say Santa’s the asshole,’’ he blurted, to which Kiara nothing but raised her eyebrows judgingly. ‘’Dude, it’s a man who breaks into houses with presents made by tiny little people that I’m sure he does not pay a living wage to. It’s pretty messed up, if you ask me.’’• • •Kiara is mad at JJ, and JJ has no idea why. In an attempt to bring the Christmas spirit back (and the tensions way down), John B comes up with the great plan of locking the duo in a room until they figure it out.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 96





	you can plan on me (please have some snow and mistletoe)

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! A day late (sorry about that), but I hope y'all enjoy it nonetheless.  
> For those who celebrate it, I hope you had the merriest little Christmas 🤍  
> This is my gift to you. with love, Bella

JJ and Kiara had been fighting. 

They had always bickered, of course. Who let a stack of dirty plates pile up by the sink only a couple of days after Kiara had spent hours doing the dishes? _JJ._ Who let the door to the Chateau wide open and allowed a whole tree’s worth of brown dry leaves to enter the living room? _JJ_. Who forgot to bring the basket of sandwiches Kiara had prepared in the morning to their picnic by the beach? _JJ_ — though that one was debatable, because he was pretty sure she had told him to _forget about it, just leave it, I’ll take the basket myself_ after he kept stealing tiny pieces of rye bread and lettuce. 

And it would usually go like this — _1)_ JJ does something dumb or says something stupid. Or both. _2)_ Kiara is angry. _3)_ Kiara makes sure JJ _knows_ she’s angry, her own personal record being only two minutes of hands on hips and lips tightly pressed together. _4)_ JJ takes an hour or two to find out what she’s angry about, and then, _5)_ JJ cleans whatever he needs to clean, or fixes whatever he needs to fix, and they move on as if Kie had never even been angry at him in the first place.

Keyword being _usually_. 

For the past three weeks, Kiara had been angry at JJ — that wasn’t too difficult to figure out, even when it came to a somewhat oblivious teenage boy. She would barely make eye contact with him — and when she did, it was with her eyebrows pulled down together and a clenched jaw. She would also not-so-casually skip his name when asking a question — ‘’ _Hey Pope, John B, Sarah, what do y’all want for dinner?_ ’’, even though JJ was right there —, and, most telling of all, she had refused to show up to their Sunday morning surfing sessions and failed to respond to any of JJ’s texts when he questioned her about it.

The rest of the pogues could feel the tension, too. For the four months, only two years back, when the trio of friends believed John B and Sarah to be dead, Kie and JJ had gotten closer — he stayed at the Chateau, drowning himself in the clothes his oldest friend had left behind, locked doors to rooms he didn’t dare open and framed pictures he only looked at on late nights when he couldn’t sleep. She stayed with him, and drowned herself in nothing but the way his tensed muscles relaxed whenever she touched him, just a slight and delicate connection of her soft hands and his calloused fingers, even if only for a second.

 _Best friend_ , they called each other. Yes, they had quite a few of those, but since those four months it's been as if they were each other’s _best of the best friends_ , and it was mostly a silent knowledge between the group of five that JJ and Kiara were also their own little group of two, separate from the rest.

They all figured that was normal, after sharing such a devastating time in their lives not many others could relate to — Pope being too wrapped up with his parents and the therapist they forced him to see and the other scholarships they told him he should keep aiming for —, that Kiara would always call JJ first when she had a flat tire and that JJ would reach out for Kiara’s hand when his heart started beating too fast out of nowhere.

It was different, sure, but not different enough for any of the Pogues to actually mention it out loud to the group. They were just JJ and Kiara — with a few more random touches, and some hand holding, and whole entire conversations happening with the exchange of a look, but still _just JJ and Kiara_ , always bickering, always saying something dumb, wrapped up in a never ending cycle of breaking and fixing. 

That’s how he knew it was bad this time. Because JJ could not, for the life of him, figure out what the hell he had done to get Kiara angry at him for three whole weeks — a record by a long shot, since that one time she was upset that he bought the wrong flavour of ice cream only lasted a day and a half —, and he had tried, truly. 

After questioning John B, Pope, Sarah and even Wheezie — who all somehow also had no clue what he had done this time around —, he decided to follow Pope’s advice and trace back all of his actions from the warm, sunny Friday when Kiara suddenly stopped touching his knee under the table and gifting him quick smiles every ten minutes.

It did not work. He might have forgotten to flush in the morning, but Kiara hadn’t spent the night at the Chateau, and it was only pee anyway. He also might have left a dirty bowl of cereal on the kitchen counter, but Sarah assured him she had washed it hours before Kie even arrived. Did he take too long to answer one of her late night texts?

**Kiara <1:45am>**

_This show is so fucking weird_

**JJ <1:53am>**

_I know. And that’s exactly why I’m making you watch it_

  
  


No, eight minutes wouldn’t have been that long, not enough to upset her. Besides, she had even reacted to his text, immediately after he sent it, with a laughing emoji. She never used emojis when she was angry.

‘’You should just ask her, bro.’’ John B suggested after a long sip of his beer, and JJ figured it might be the dumbest shit he had ever heard.

You couldn’t just _ask_ Kiara what she was angry about. If he did, her upper eyelids would raise in a stare, her lips would become even more narrow and she wouldn’t even tell him the reason. _You know what you did, JJ_. And more often than not, he did — but not this time.

The morning that marked the twenty-fifth day since Kiara last held a full conversation with JJ that didn’t consist of sighs and annoyed grunts was also officially the first day that JJ began to consider himself _desperate_. 

Until then he had kept at least a teeny, tiny glimmer of hope that he’d eventually figure out what the hell he had done or said to push Kiara’s buttons so gravely, but he had already spent a whole week leaving the Chateau spotless (way more than it was even when Big John was still around), two chilly afternoons working on the Twinkie outside so that the popping sound coming from the engine compartment she kept complaining about stopped, and plenty of hours writing down a full on apology on his phone’s notes app for accidentally having mansplained to her how to do a surfing manoeuvre he had just learned. _‘’It’s not about the stupid rodeo flip, JJ’’_ , was what he got in return.

He was all out of ideas. That night he even dreamt about the haunting possibility of those three weeks turning into four, and five, and then six, and it made him want to dig himself into a hole in the backyard and never come out of it again. He figured that Christmas would be his saving grace, that there was no way that Christmas carol loving, _Elf_ fanatic, proficient eggnog drinker Kiara Carrera would hold a grudge during the season to be motherfucking jolly.

His phone dinged, and JJ looked down at the only text he had received from Kiara that month. At least that was something, right?

**Kiara <3:45pm>**

_please tell me you did not just hang all your used juul pods on our tree like ornaments_

  
  


Oh, how wrong he was. JJ didn’t even bother to stand up from his bed before shouting, ‘’Which one of you assholes told Kie I didn’t use Sarah’s boujee ass ornaments on the tree?’’

Sarah showed up before JJ could count to ten. Her eyes flashed angrily, and the green sweater with the word _nice_ written in red and all caps didn’t quite match the steam coming out of her ears.

‘’Let me tell you,’’ she said slowly, taking a long moment to over pronounce each word. ‘’That these ornaments are beautiful and will be passed down to my children.’’

‘’Hear that, JB?’’ JJ yelled the second Sarah turned her back to leave the room. ‘’John Booker Routledge III is getting plastic balls as a family heirloom.’’

Sarah flashed him his middle finger, but there was a playful smile on her face when she did so. ‘’They’re ceramic, asshole.’’

**JJ <3:53pm>**

_I did not just hang all my used juul pods on our tree like ornaments_

**Kiara <3:54pm>**

_are you lying?_

**JJ <3:56pm>**

_yes_

JJ wasn’t that much of a Christmas kind of person. With a figure like Luke Maybank as a father, could you even blame him? He had been passed around Big John and the Heywards at Christmas for as long as he could remember, and though they meant well and he did appreciate having somewhere to be and something to eat every December 25th, he mostly felt like a fraude when doing so — pretending to be a Routledge or pretending to be a Heyward when he was nothing but a Maybank. 

So, considering Christmas was a parade of every little thing JJ didn’t have, the people who didn’t love him and the pretty shiny objects he couldn’t afford, he was a bit more irritable that time of year than any other. Usually, only one thing, only one _person_ , could brighten his mood in the coldest, darkest of days.

.A familiar female voice filled out the room at the Chateau JJ had claimed as his years ago, and suddenly his silent moment of self pity was interrupted. ‘’What the fuck, Pope?’’ The voice yelled.

Kiara, there was no mistaking. Unbothered by her hair down and messy, unbrushed, wearing an old, light blue shirt with holes in it that JJ was pretty sure belonged to him at some point.

‘’I’m so sorry, Kie.’’ Pope babbled, his hands on Kiara’s back guiding (or more like _pushing_ ) her into the room, the girl still in too much of a daze to fight against it. ‘’I’m really, really sorry about this.’’

JJ forced his body up and shifted uncomfortably when she was put in front of him, all legs and lavender scented curls. She must have been taken aback too, because she stood still long enough to allow Pope’s clumsy escape, tripping over black boots and a pair of cargo shorts before he closed the door with a loud _bam_. 

The sound of the key turning into the lock came pretty soon after that, and JJ cursed himself under his breath for being so undeniably disappointed that Kiara’s gaze on him couldn’t last longer, her whole body turning back towards the door in one swift movement. 

Her fists collided with the wood, and JJ took advantage of the moment to put on a pair of dark navy sweatpants over his boxers. 

‘’Pope, you open this door _right now_ ,’’ Kie said before turning her head back to where JJ stood, right behind her. ‘’Can you help me out here?’’

JJ let his right hand hit the door as well, although considerably more softly than Kiara. ‘’This isn’t funny, man.’’ His voice came out low and throaty, perhaps a little too rough, because Kiara’s shoulders tensed up as soon she felt his warm breath reach her skin when he spoke. 

‘’John B made me do it.’’ Pope said hurriedly, tripping over his words as if it made that much of a difference to the two locked inside. 

JJ had no doubt that this, whatever _this_ was, had most definitely been John B’s idea. After all, he did have a weirdly recurring pattern of locking people together when they needed to rash it out — Sarah and Kie on the boat, years before, but also Pope and JJ inside the Twinkie a little over a year ago after they went a little too hard on each other during a water balloon fight, and even Sarah and _himself_ inside the bathroom six months ago, after she called him an irresponsible asshole for forgetting about their movie date. 

He scoffed, faking some hurt over Pope’s accusations. ‘’I will neither confirm nor deny that,’’ John B’s voice echoed inside the closed off room. ‘’Fine, I can confirm that it was indeed my idea—’’

‘’You open this door right now, John B, or I swear to God.’’ Kiara made an attempt of a reprimanding yell, her voice still too raspy from the long night of sleep for it to have much effect. 

John B let out a muffled sound that JJ was pretty sure was a sigh when he said ‘’It’s been days! Poor Pope’s been getting stomach aches every night because of all the tension, my bathroom can’t take much more of this.’’

‘’Gross,’’ JJ muttered at the same time Kiara wrinkled her nose and let her mouth open wide, mouthing a silent _bleagh_ sound. 

‘’We’re going out for some last minute shopping,’’ John B announced, and JJ instantly knew he wasn’t bluffing, the sound of dangling keys making Kiara’s forehead hit the door in surrender. ‘’There are beers and crackers under the bed and if you break my door trying to escape, you’re paying for it.’’

Kiara didn’t bother saying anything, and so neither did JJ, way too aware of his friend’s stubbornness. Besides, who was JJ even trying to kid? Just last week John B had mentioned jokingly (well, perhaps not _too_ jokingly) that getting the two locked in might be a good solution, and although JJ did say ‘ _What? No. No. No way’_ , he was quite aware his pleading eyes and long moment of silence might have been contradictory.

‘’Have fun, you two.’’ Sarah said, the sound of loud, heavy steps following her down the hall, alongside the quick reminder, ‘’But not too much fun, yeah?’’

Kiara’s grunt was muffled by the position of her head against the wooden door. Oh, boy, she was angry. She was _furious_ , and JJ could tell from the way her arms stood still by her legs, fists clenching up into tiny fists. 

‘’Did you know about this?’’ She asked, turning only her eyes to look at JJ. Her impenetrable gaze felt like enough to burn holes through JJ’s body, and he unconsciously moved away from her, towards the bed. 

Her gaze still felt ardent and all consuming into the back of his head. ‘’No, I didn’t know about this, Kiara. It was all them.’’

His words relaxed her muscles only for a quick second, because when she whipped around to face him, her eyebrows were furrowed and her head was tilted at an angle she only chose to use when she was pissed. 

‘’Window?’’ She questioned, almost as if thinking out loud. 

Before she could even move towards it, though, JJ reminded her with his best as-a-matter-of-fact tone, ‘’It’s been jammed for ages.’’

Her fingers ran through her messy hair for a moment, brown eyes travelling through the room and doing their best to not connect with JJ’s blue ones. He knew she was thinking, brainstorming a way to get out of that room immediately, but it didn’t take long for her arms to hit her sides with a smack in defeat.

JJ couldn’t help but let his gaze trace along her feet (still covered in sand from wherever she was last), her legs (tanned, but bruised up from a few failed attempts at a Kerrupt Flip), her wrists (all colourful beaded bracelets), and her hair. He always loved her hair the most, especially how some wild strands would fall down her neck when she had it up in a bun.

He sat down on the bed, back hitting the headboard, when she said, casually and blank faced ‘’I guess we’re stuck here, then.’’ He could do nothing but nod, any attempts at a word stuck in his throat.

It killed him that she wouldn’t look at him. For every second her saddened gaze avoided his, a part of his soul left his body — so many pieces were gone after a few minutes that JJ wondered whether his entire soul was only made of Kiara. 

He shifted in bed in an attempt to occupy the least amount of space, so that perhaps she would join him instead of standing around, pacing nervously. It didn’t work — Kiara either failed to notice the empty spot left open for her and only her, or made a conscious decision to stay as far away from him as possible considering they were stuck in a room together. JJ strongly hoped it was the first option.

‘’So,’’ he started after what seemed like an hour of silence, not quite knowing where he was going with it. He figured her expression might lead him, but she stayed blank faced, arms crossed tightly against her chest. ‘’We can play a game.’’

Kiara glanced down at him. ‘’Unless the game is called _let’s see who can be quiet the longest_ , I’ll pass.’’

She finally threw her white and blue tie-dye backpack down on the floor, sat down right next to it making herself comfortable. And because JJ was only comfortable himself whenever he could feel the warm heat from Kiara’s skin close to his, he stood up from the bed in one clumsy movement and took his spot on the floor as well, their shoulders touching. 

‘’Actually,’’ he turned his head to her with a cheeky smile. ‘’I call it _let’s figure out why Kiara is pissed at me_.’’

Her eyes darted back and forth, still attempting to ignore JJ’s presence next to her. ‘’I’m not pissed at you.’’

‘’You’re a terrible liar, Kie.’’

JJ took a newly rolled joint and his signature Zippo from his pant’s back pocket. Placed the filter end into his mouth and ignated the other end in one swift movement, perhaps the one he was most used to besides the action of bringing a cold beer to his lips. Well, the past few months in the OBX had been somewhat rough, so JJ figured he was exempt of any judgement regarding his drinking and smoking habits — that’s what happens when all your friends leave as soon as August comes, and only return for their much needed Christmas break.

Or _almost_ all of your friends, really. Because Kiara stayed.

For a while.

‘’Come on, I’m ready,’’ JJ said, then took a drag. Turned his face to the side so that the smoke wouldn’t bother Kiara’s eyes. ‘’Is it because I ate one of the walls from your gingerbread house?’’

‘’It was Pope’s gingerbread house,’’ she corrected. ‘’I merely helped with the decorations. So _he_ was pissed at that, not me.’’

JJ, in his best attempt at taking the game as seriously as he could, moved so that he sat cross-legged facing Kiara. She had, for the past year, started sitting like that for every meal, a position she called _lotus_ or some shit and supposedly helped with digestion. When she mirrored his posture and decided to look at him, _really_ look at him, determined and defiant, JJ wished that the position was also a good one to help with forgiveness.

‘’Is it because I spiked the eggnog?’’

She stole the joint from JJ’s fingers before he could take another drag. ‘’You always spike the eggnog.’’ Kiara said with a half smile that was almost enough to light JJ’s world on fire.

He smiled back fully, completely, and asked, ‘’Are you calling me predictable?’’

‘’That is definitely not a word I’d use to describe you. Like, ever,’’ Kiara took the joint to her lips. She was a much better smoker than he was — could handle it better, and had an annoyingly perfect pace when it came to inhaling and exhaling. Not that he’d ever admit it. ‘’Or maybe you’re so unpredictable that that’s become too predictable now.’’

‘’You can’t be mad because I said no to watching _Elf_ for like, the fifth time.’’

‘’No, I’m not,’’ she giggled, and JJ wondered whether that one particular movie night was the thing going through her head right then. ‘’But seriously, what are you, the Grinch? Who doesn’t want to watch _Elf_?’’

_I just want to watch you. I could watch you do anything. I could watch you do absolutely nothing for the rest of my life._

‘’It was the middle of November, Kie,’’ he said, pushing his inner thoughts from his mind. ‘’If you think I lack Christmas spirit in December, then let’s not even talk about what I think of trees and lights and fucking animatronic deers everywhere when it’s pretty much still Halloween.’’

Since August, JJ and Kiara had spent at least half of their time together every day, and that’s only because for the other half, both were at work. It reminded JJ a lot of the period in which they thought Sarah and John B were gone, though short for the undeniable gloom and the plain moping around. It had been familiar this time around, easy, like muscle memory — Kiara could pretend she was never going to leave, and JJ could pretend he believed that.

‘’Hey, you stop talking smack about Christmas, all right?’’ Kiara hissed, then passed the joint back to JJ. Her fingers touched his for a moment too long for it to be considered accidental. ‘’Santa says you’re an asshole.’’

‘’I say Santa’s the asshole,’’ he blurted, to which Kiara nothing but raised her eyebrows judgingly. ‘’Dude, it’s a man who breaks into houses with presents made by tiny little people that I’m sure he does not pay a living wage to. It’s pretty messed up, if you ask me.’’

‘’JJ,’’ Kiara chuckled, amused. Her eyes twinkled with humor, and JJ hoped that meant that whatever he had done, she was only one step short of forgiving him for it. ‘’I think this is the moment I have to tell you that Santa is, in fact, _not_ real.’’

The boy clasped his hands over his head, wide-eyed and twisted mouth, the utter shock in his face so perfectly dramatic and over the top that it made another giggle escape from Kiara’s lips. ‘’Then who the fuck have I been sending letters to for the past eighteen years?’’

She laughed like a kid — always sweet and genuine, never _of_ you but _with_ you. That had been one of the things JJ loved most about Kiara since the first time he laid eyes on her back when they were kids, how beautifully kind and authentic she could be without even trying. In many ways, she was the complete opposite of a Maybank — had the wholehearted need to fix what was broken instead of breaking what was fixed.

The only thing JJ ever gave a fuck about not letting crack, the only thing that he would never dare throw into a wall and see it shatter was the Pogues. It was Kiara, preeminently. Because Pope and John B, and even Sarah, were his siblings, the kind of people you have a blowout with in the morning only to be fine by the afternoon without either part having the need to apologize, while Kiara was, well… _not_. Kiara was Kiara, a force of nature in her own right, and having her be angry at him for over a day made him feel more alone than he ever had in his whole entire life — which probably meant something, considering he had been abandoned by a fair share of important people throughout the years.

Kiara could have gone on her parents’ ski trip, that December. And every December before that too, actually. She was the one who was always invited to vacations and family gatherings, the one who had options and still continuously chose to rough it down at the Cut with the shittiest store-bought cocoa and tangled, bare-wired string lights. Not only that, but she was happy with that — _truly_ happy, the kind of happy JJ only experienced whenever Kiara stood next to him, skin against skin.

Therefore no, he wouldn’t apologize for not being festive enough. He didn’t have to, because she knew the reason why he wasn’t better than anyone — knew it so deeply, that she never once allowed him to go back to his dad’s house for Christmas, even if that meant she’d have to fight with her parents for weeks to allow them to take JJ with them to the Carrera’s gathering in Rodanthe. And neither did he have to apologize for giving her shitty presents and making shitty food every year, because he was also pretty sure that she knew no matter how cheap were the gifts and how burned were the sugar cookies, he was _trying_ — he always tried for her, and would continue to even long after she left.

‘’We’ve had some good Christmases, Kie,’’ JJ said, and only because he needed the affirmation, continued, ‘’Haven’t we?’’

Kiara smiled. Genuine, all-knowing. ‘’We have. Like when we were eleven and you stole a whole ass turkey,’’ she threw her head back and laughed. ‘’I’ve always wanted to ask. How did you pull it off?’’

Funny enough, he didn’t. Heyward caught him red-handed, and only chose to give him the turkey (with a side of mashed potatoes and green beans) thanks to the kind words of Mrs. Heyward. That was also how he met the couple’s boy, Pope, and for every Christmas from then not one of them would go hungry.

‘’Now that’s my little secret. But hey, we ate good, so it was a win,’’ he took two reasonably-long puffs before passing the joint back to Kiara, and continued, ‘’Remember when I first bought my bike and took you to that one Walmart in Kitty Hawk to buy stocking fillers?’’

Even when it was the middle of February, JJ still sometimes thought of her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, her head on his shoulder, the wind blowing her hair and the smell of lavender in the air. 

Kiara ashed the joint, watched the dark grains fall to the wooden floor. ‘’How could I forget? You didn’t even have your license yet, we almost died like, twenty times.’’

‘’Nah, I had you,’’ he said. _I’ve got you_ , he hoped she knew. ‘’I wouldn’t have let you get hurt, you know that, right?’’

Her glossy lips parted as she smiled and a strand of curly hair fell into her face. ‘’I know,’’ Kiara said, and JJ had to sit on top of his hands to stop himself from fixing her hair. ‘’I wasn’t actually worried. I know you’ve got me.’’

 _And I’ve got you too_ , JJ thought was what the slight blush creeping up her neck meant. Or at least he hoped so.

‘’And do you remember the Christmas when we thought Sarah and John B were gone?’’ JJ asked before he could attempt to swallow the words and bury them deep back into the pit of his stomach.

Kiara drew her lip in between her teeth, brown eyes wide and staring into space. The one thing they didn’t talk about, and of course JJ would have to bring it up at some point — how anguished and hopeless they were after the apparent loss of two of their closest friends, how painful Christmas presented itself to be that year, how guilty they both felt for not feeling all that lonely in only each other’s company, or even not lonely at all. 

How she felt underneath him. And on top of him, too. How smooth her skin was, how warm she was inside, how sweet her moans and screams sounded to his ear. She was perfect in every sense of the word — better than he could have ever imagined. An angel, a goddess, _his person_. So undeniably and unmistakably made of pure, raw gold that JJ knew once morning came, she would regret having shared that part of her with him.

So they didn’t talk about it, not once — not before Sarah and John B returned, and certainly not after, when all everyone wanted was for things to go back to the way they were. And it pained him to do so, it did, when all he wanted was to have her call him _hers_. 

But he would hurt for Kiara, fully and completely, until the last of his days, if that meant she could be happy without him.

‘’Sorry,’’ he pulled through his hair until his scalp was left all red. ‘’I shouldn’t have brought it up.’’

Kiara leaned forward with her forearms in her knees. ‘’I remember,’’ she said, chin quivering. ‘’Do you?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ JJ stuttered. ‘’Every day. All the time.’’

When she was far away. When she was as close as she could be. Kiara was always on JJ’s mind, the one thing he could never get out no matter how much beer he drank or how good was the weed he smoked — she was a constant, as certain as the waves crashing and the sun setting.

‘’Do you want to know why I’m upset, JJ?’’ Kiara asked. He nodded his head eagerly in response, and she continued, ‘’Because you don’t have to be alone. And still, that’s what you’re choosing to be.’’

He wiped his hands on his pants, the room feeling suddenly too warm even though it was the last week of December. ‘’I don’t know what you mean.’’ JJ lied, since his impending loneliness was something he knew quite well. 

He always knew Pope leaving was a given. That boy was too smart for his own good, and colleges don’t take brains like that for granted. After Big John disappeared, JJ also knew that John B wouldn’t be able to live with the ghost of his father and everything that was lost in that house, on that island, and that Sarah would follow him anywhere. He was pretty sure Kiara would then be the next one to go, always the dreamer, the adventurer, eager to figure out every secret of the world. 

But then she didn’t.

Kiara stayed. Held his hand each time one of their friends waved goodbye, drove him home and told dirty jokes the entire ride back to lift his spirits. He kept waiting for the day she’d come and tell him that that was it, that she finally fell into her senses and realised that the Outer Banks would never be big enough for her, that having him around would never be enough. Each day that didn’t happen, he’d only get more comfortable — he got so comfortable after a while, that JJ felt like he was dying when the time came at last.

Kiara was to leave, same as anyone else, as soon as January arrived.

‘’I mean that it kind of fucking hurts me that you’d rather be anywhere else than with me.’’ She glanced down her lap, picked at her cuticles. 

‘’Wait, what?’’

JJ pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, his entire body seeming to freeze for a second. Did she really think that? Could Kiara even think that she meant so little to him, when she was everything?

He lifted her chin with two fingers, making her meet his solemn gaze — he needed her to know he meant what he was about to say. With the most whole-hearted sincerity, he then said, ‘’Kiara, I’d rather be with you than anywhere else.’’

She chuckled dryly — not in melancholy, but in confusion. ‘’That makes no sense.’’

‘’How?’’ JJ sighed, biting the inside of his cheek so hard he could taste blood. ‘’I mean, how the fuck could I not want to be with you? You’re the one who’s leaving me.’’

‘’JJ, I’m not leaving _you_ ,’’ she corrected with a tight-lipped smile. ‘’I’m leaving the Outer Banks. And I wanted you to come with me. When I told you I was going, I told you you’d love it there, and how much fun we could have.’’

He tasted the blood again. Metallic, he allowed it to bring him strength — after being beaten by his own father so many times, JJ had learned to make blood his secret weapon of courage. 

‘’I didn’t think it was an invitation.’’ He admitted. _You’re going to love it, JJ_ , she told him, and he only figured she meant in pictures. 

In one swift movement JJ could barely make sense of, Kiara grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him close to her until the tips of their noses were touching and he could smell the sweet vanilla from her new perfume. 

She stared at his lips for a lingering moment, and said, ‘’It’s not Christmas without you, you idiot. I want to buy a gingerbread house kit in Sydney and have you eat all the walls before we even get it up, I want to make you watch _Elf_ four or five times at a shitty hostel with shitty internet in London, I want you to spike our eggnog in Amsterdam until we’re so drunk we can’t find our ways back, and I want you to let me hop on your bike and take me to see the Times Square Ball drop like we’re two huge ass tourists.’’

JJ ran his ring clad hand through her disheveled hair, just the way he had dreamed of doing since that first and last night together. _Maybe not last_ , he thought, as he stared straight into the eyes of his best friend, his person, the girl he _loved_. Fuck, he loved her. Truly and completely, so much that he figured he’d have the best time ever watching the same Christmas movie one thousand times and spending way too many hours in the kitchen for gravy and apple pie, just as long as he had her by his side.

‘’Kie, I’m gonna need you to be very clear with me right now, yeah?’’ JJ asked, not breaking eye contact. No more misunderstandings, no more words left unsaid. ‘’Do you—,’’ his voice broke, and he had to take a deep breath before trying again, ‘’Do you feel—’’

‘’It’s yours.’’ Kiara said, her thumb running over JJ’s chapped lips.

‘’Your boob?’’

She thumped his shoulder affectionately, mouth curved into a smile. ‘’My heart, asshole.’’

His heart was rapping against his ribs, ringing in his ears. For so long Kiara had meant everything to JJ, that he never once took a moment to consider that perhaps, he meant everything to her too.

A flush crept up Kiara’s face, and JJ, as if waking up from a dream, found the strength in him to finally give her everything. ‘’That’s good,’’ he said with a smirk and a full heart. ‘’Or this would be really freaking awkward, because mine’s been yours ever since I could count to ten.’’

‘’So since last year, then?’’ She teased, thumb still caressing his bottom lip.

‘’Wow, you’re funny,’’ he said. Took her hands in his, rested his forehead against her softly. ‘’Can’t wait to see what else you’ve got when we travel the fucking world.’’

‘’Oh, I’ve got a lot to show you, JJ Maybank.’’

And so did he. Always, all the time — but especially on Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> come cry about jiara (and way too many other ships) with me on tumblr 🤍 @jiaaras


End file.
